There’s a big mouth on the phone, just two seats away
His conversation is inane and quite petty
The whole carriage exposed to his private affairs
I’d like to throw the fat pig off a jetty
I don’t know why people think, we’re the least bit intrigued
With matters of his family’s concern
I could not give a toss of his personal life
His mobile I would like to burn
An obnoxious tosser’s what he sounds like to me
To have to work with him must be a joy
I pity his colleagues who must put up with his crap
My anger I’d like to deploy
But wait, he has finished, our peace it returns
Now he’s scrolling through his phone’s contact list
Looking for someone to call and annoy
I scream at full voice, “please desist”
His head slowly turns, shit, did I say that out loud
His gaze I meet square and full on
Though much larger than life he does seem to be
When he gets to his feet I’ll be gone
It’s not that I’m scared, you must understand
Thirty seconds and he’ll be out of puff
But I must show restraint to this poor human being
Cause in just twenty I would be stuffed
Oh great, even better, he’s alighting the train
My safety I’ve schemed to retain
But I must keep an eye out next time I get on
So I’m not in his carriage again
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