January 15: Eat my shorts ...

I boarded my train from a day in the trenches

Took a seat up the back, on one of the benches

Got out a judgment, which I began to peruse

When the General says soon, who am I to refuse

I read of the work of a very naughty copper

Who questioned a suspect, but did not do it proper

The judge he was scathing, his wrath she did feel

When she wrongly arrested for break, enter, steal

I pick up another, I’m getting quite stressed

Must be in by tomorrow, so he can digest

The skill of my writing, my brilliant submissions

I am so optimistic, I have great ambitions

Case number two sounds like it might assist

I need to get all the charges dismissed

What are my grounds, I’m hearing you ask

I’ll tell you as soon as I’ve finished my task

A hint of unfairness, a dash of oppression

Inaccurate statements, a lack of discretion

A bit of inferring and some exaggeration

A whole set of facts increased by inflation

A witness’s memory that improves with age

If it wasn’t so serious I would be outraged

Not seen in October but described in July

So finely it seems not a moment slipped by

“When he left my hotel room I did not see his clothes

He must have worn something, I guess, I suppose

But a pair of white board shorts, a logo and pink stripes

They lay on my floor, as he slipped to the night"

She made a new statement eight months down the track

As the copper she coached her, to keep it intact

“Identification, it’s crucial you see”

“Forget what you first said, just listen to me”

“Just what was he wearing, you must now recall”

“Oh yes” she did claim, “I remember it all

He was wearing white board shorts, of that I'm now sure

Pink stripes and logo; I observed at the door”

"The light it was blinding, I could see really well

His short back and sides, it was him, I could tell

I couldn't be surer, on a scale one to ten

I'd tell you eleven, and I'd tell you again"

So perhaps you can see why I’m at my wits end

This outrageous proceeding they must now suspend

So how can I convince them to let my man go

I told you I’ll tell you when I think that I know